The Goddess Return
In my 20's I spent massive amounts of time with my girlfriends. I spent countless hours creek stopmin', trail blazing, beading and musing late into the night. Although I was living with my boyfriend at the time, he did the same with his cohorts. Of course we did lots of things together, but we held tremendous space between us for soul feeding.
In my 30's I got married and had kids. These evolutions have been the most beautiful and frustrating experiences on my life path. Very quickly, my attention shifted into figuring out how to be a wife and how to be a mother. I have had extraordinarily wonderful moments but one of the biggest mistakes I have made has been ignoring the importance of my "inner grace" and sisterhood with my goddess friends.
I will be entering a new life decade this month and I am witnessing the return of the goddess within me and my life, the feminine principle of warmth, compassion and love. In my study of tantric philosophy, I have learned that when the universal life force, Prana, enters of body it is transformed into the primal sensual, creative energy known as shakti. The quality and quantity of this driving force within is dependent on its satisfaction and/or frustration.
Our emotions are a manifestation of Shakti. Shakti cannot be dammed up, denied or dismissed. When this happens, inner tension is created and unconciously we utilized a lot of energy to NOT remember many of our desires.This creates what is called a Samskara, a deep groove within our mind that becomes a major obstacle. Because they are created through not-remembering, we are numb to them, yet they are felt in the form of emotional instability, obsessions and self-betrayal. In a simple moment of standing in the confluence of The Yellow Breeched and Susquehanna, I realized the un-remembering I have done over the last 10 years. Goddess conciousness starting pouring into me faster than I could absorb. In that moment, I reached up and began the ascent from that samskara. The wise ways of the goddess are reappearing.
Through the inspiration of a soul-sister, I have been regularly harvesting wild weeds, drying them and then drinking them as a sort of "tea". These infusions have been purifying my primal energy, motivating my mind and elevating my conciousness. After years of re/searching for the ultimate elixir for my life, I have found it growing in local fields and along creek banks.
Also, through the guidance of a long distance female teacher, I have begun a regular devotional practice. It's not something I choose talk about very much, because it is the most intimate relationship I have ever known. I have reawakened, in a very grounded way, to feeling that divine love prevails. That the power of love strengthens with each heartbeat and with each breath. It is, for me, THIS love that keeps the fire of my passions burning bright (infusions help a lot, too).
And I have returned to those creek stomps and late night musings with my girlfriends. I love conversations with women on a level where criticism and competition are completely non-existent. I love the raw truth that is shared with complete tenderness. I love having friends who text when something random makes them laugh, who will purposefully sting themselves with nettles, who make smores with peanut butter cups, and will listen to erratic emotional ramblings and drink gin. It is this kind of friendship between women that recharges spirit and makes your heart swell with joy.
As a result, I am entering into a new state of being. I am moving out of the narrowing effects of a constricted conciousness and way of living. I see clearly that it is the simple tasks in our everyday life that provide the best transformations. It has taken great courage to choose outrageous actions that challenge who I am and encourage who I am becoming.
This month, may you take one step, however small toward that which you have denied yourself. Now is the right time. May you gather regularly with life affirming people who recognize your unique and powerful contribution to their life. May your heart be awake and open and may wisdom be your guide and may divine love be at the center of all your choices.
Om Shakti! | 
