Painfully Lovely

Are you willing to escape the wrath of habits and ways of being? Are you willing to cross the borders of your mind knowing that the choice that you make will change everything in that moment. And the choices that we make, moment to moment DO effect OTHER moments. It's called karma.

I am slowly recovering from a yoga injury...yes...I've kept it pretty quiet. I haven't had a yoga injury in more than 10 years (thank you). I believe I did it doing Breath of Fire in a very unconscious sort of way...just jumping into it with my students and abruptly stopping to speak and then pumping away again. Stupid. In doing this, I have strained cartilage between my ribs and sternum. For the last month I have had severe pain on deep inhalation, laughing and back bending... three of my favorite things.

With the careful adjustments from a wonderful chiropractor, I have gradually been healing. Recently a dear friend said to me, "So breath of fire is the teacher".

"HUH?" says the yoga teacher.

"What is it that you aren't burning away? The pain is a constant reminder until you admit it".

Oh yes, my wise friend you are right. It's the cleansing season. And I am dedicating this season to finding balance. In particular, balance of energies in my heart space.

I'm a sensitive vata/libra which means I am expressive through and through. Let me say, finding balance in not wanting to suppress what's natural is DIFFICULT. For me, taking the middle path is always like a dance with splinters in my feet. It is my constitutional tendency (for better or worse) to worry ( am so afraid of the suffering), to shift between extremes (stop before it gets messy....oh go on, once more), to give love deeply (lounge in the maple syrup and honey).

After a crazy experience earlier today, I am rethinking a word I often use to describe myself, COMPLEX. Saying "that's who I am" lowers the potential vibration of who I could become. So this spring I am taking on the challenge of cleansing myself of some old habitual patterns of thought and emotion. This is difficult work and it will take time, tremendous EFFORT and possibly some more pain along the way. As does the path of destruction and recreation of anything. I will admit, I have some fear. However, temporary pain in the now, KNOWING I am doing the work, is MUCH better than the suffering of going through endless days doing the same shit that hasn't served for however long it's been reinforced!

I love self study and I love that my life and my livelihood surrounds and supports this process!

"...ain't no wall gonna stay up forever..." - Nicole Reynolds

I bow before you ~ You are so lovely ~ I love you

Shani